a draft from the first day of october that was incomplete, & therefore unpublished:
as I walk miles from my apartment, feeling the calming breeze and taking in the aroma of fall slowly inviting itself into the air, I’m quickly reminded why this is my favorite time of year. I don’t recall the last time I had this many layers on, it feels as though the summer months lasted an eternity, the weather that is.
the draft was longer, but only this portion of it correlates with the point I am about to make. well, not a point per se, but a thought. fourteen days ago I was anticipating the month of october & the beautiful weather that it brings. now, we are halfway into the month, & mother nature has proven what a rebel she is, with day after day of wet, dreary weather. I don’t recall the month of october ever having weather this bad, so consistently, & I’m ready for it to change, because it’s starting to take a toll on my mood.
moving on…while e-mailing back & forth with a friend this morning, she mentioned a book that has inspired her to do more for God. she also mentioned that she does not feel as though she has found her purpose in life. that is a statement that I know many of us think about, but while responding I was drawing a blank, I do not quite know how to respond to someone when they say that. I’m sure she wasn’t expecting me to offer my opinion of what her purpose in life is, because that is not something any of us know at our age. I’ve been thinking about it all morning, & I’ve concluded that I want to conduct a survey, and ask people if they have figured out an answer to that question. I’m not as much curious to know the answer, but to know what lead someone to the answer, what experience in their life helped them discover their purpose.
I personally think we have a number of purposes, that arise with every new change in our lives. but my question at the moment is not what’s my purpose (though that thought does linger) but my question is simply, why? why are the situations that are happening in my life, happening? what is the reason for the way I feel, the outcomes, the questions? what am I supposed to be learning & taking away from everything I have experienced this past year? I know that there are people going through far worse than what I am going through, but what I’ve experienced this past year has been harder than what I am used to, & I am officially burned out.